Facing Death

It would be three months before I found out the results of my biopsy. After I came back from Europe I started looking for health insurance. It wasn't difficult to find a good plan but because of the way the health insurance market works most plans only start on the 1st of the Month -IF you apply in time. Needless to say, it would be October before my insurance was in full effect, my operation scheduled, and time off from work approved.

I won't go into the details of the surgery but needless to say I was in bed for a week. My face was swollen and I had a giant bruise on the side of my face for about 10 days. My aunt Anna accompanied me to the surgery. She is a registered nurse and the doctor wanted to make sure I was being supervised afterwards by someone with medical training. I don't remember how I got home after the surgery.

It would be a week before I had to go back to hear the results. I got a phone call saying the paperwork has come in and that they would like to discuss it with me. 

I went alone.

The results of the biopsy?

Benign.

I had a benign tumor. I've heard the term before but I didn't know exactly what it meant. Basically, I had a tumor that lacks the ability to metastasize. Once removed, I was good as new (almost). Benign tumors can cause health problems but it they did not come anywhere near to cancer. This news was more shocking to me than the initial news about the cancer. Honestly, those were the longest three months of my life. The entire time - between when I found out that I might have cancer to actually hearing the results - I was preparing myself for the absolutely worst possible scenario. I prepared myself to possibly hearing that there is nothing they can do or that I only had months to live. Instead, I was given the news of life. And since my surgeon removed the entire lump during the surgery I had no more health concerns after that.

It was the most amazing feeling!

Its been two and a half years since that day in July. Looking back I give glory to God. I am thankful for the trial I experienced. Not many of us will come to terms with our mortality so early in our lives. Even when we are old it won't really sink in. But the truth is we will all die. Young and old. Great and small. Poor and rich. Weak and strong. We will all die. But death is nowhere as terrifying as the knowledge that you will face a HOLY GOD afterward and give an account of your life. And if you are not made right with God by the saving work of His Son Jesus Christ and place your faith in Him then death is the least of your worries. We forget that God is Holy. Infinitely Holy. He hates sin and unrighteousness with a Holy wrath and if you do not come to Him on His terms you have nothing on which to base your hope of escape on. Nothing. Believe in Jesus Christ, turn from your sin or perish. Hell exists and God Himself will send you there unless you repent.

"Christ will not blot out your sins in the past, unless you are willing to be cured of the love of sin in the present, and the pursuit of sin in the future." - Charles Spurgeon

So therefore, repent and turn from sin now. While you have time. No one is guaranteed a long life. No one is guaranteed a chance to repent before facing death. Why put off your salvation? Why not be ready to meet God today? Tomorrow? Any day. Meet Him as your Father and Friend instead of as a Holy Judge? "And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12 ESV

That is why I am thankful for this cancer scare. It gave me a chance to seriously evaluate my life and to test and see if my faith in Christ was genuine and true and to make sure I wasn't just some product of a Christian upbringing or my culture.

While I wasn't entirely alone on my travels I'm glad I didn't go with any friends or family. They would have distracted me from the soul searching that I was able to accomplish being on my own. Those two weeks were a time of prayer, reflection, conviction, repentance, and also joy and praise. I re-evaluated everything in the light of eternity: my relationships, my dreams, my goals, my career - everything. There is nothing like facing death to test your faith. I might travel to beautiful and exotic locations. I might travel for longer periods of time, with friends or family, stay in great hotels, and experience the wonderful cultures around the world. But no trip will ever compare to my first trip. God was very good to me and the Holy Spirit was working, and still is working, to conform to the image of His Son.

While I thank God that my tumor was benign I am more thankful for the work that He accomplished in my soul through this painful experience. 

Glory to God alone!